How to deal with being jealous

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Even the people you envy feel envious; no one is immune. But what makes envy especially challenging is that despite its universality, so much shame is attached to it.

How to deal with being jealous

We might feel free to talk to a jealojs about, say, our anger or sadness, but most of us worry that sharing our feelings of envy will make us seem petty or selfish. Instead, what helps is to discover the meaning we attach to it, dfal see where this discovery le us. I wonder whether these thoughts have a familiar pattern. It might help to break down your response to the current situation despair, black-and-white thinking even further.

Does your envy leave you feeling unworthy, incapable, unwanted, hwo, inificant, excluded, unfairly judged? If any of these resonate, does this perceived rejection remind you of how you felt growing up—maybe as part of your family dynamic, or other experiences that led to a negative self-perception? They stop trying to reach their goals Why bother?

How to deal with being jealous

Understandably, not getting this promotion that you had your heart set on was a ificant and painful disappointment, and with this comes loss. But if instead you use too envy as a guide to understand yourself better, it can be an engine for positive change. By looking straight at the envy, you can address jeslous important questions: What was it about this job that you really wanted?

What prevented you from getting it this time around?

Rather than say to yourself, I want what those beimg people have, you might say, I wonder what they did differently that helped them get it. Second, you may start to truly enjoy and appreciate them and even want to congratulate them, which nine times out of 10 will soften the envy.

Instead, use that energy to give yourself a huge dose of self-compassion. This was a hard blow, so be kind to yourself when you feel whatever you feel—including envy.

Incidentally, at this very moment, someone out there quite possibly envies you—your job, your talent, your status, you name it. Dear Therapist is for informational purposes only, does not constitute medical advice, and is not a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician, mental-health professional, deall other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition.