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About sharing image copyrightThinkstock Many gay men and women end up marrying people of the opposite sex. But what is it like for the spouse who eventually finds their marriage breaking down? Recently we told the stories of gay men who had married women. It prompted a strong response from readers who had experienced it from the other side - those whose wives and husbands had come out as gay. To me it's not brave to spend 10 or 20 years with someone only to destroy and discard them," says Emma.
About sharing image copyrightThinkstock Many gay men and women end up marrying people of the opposite sex.
But what is it like for the spouse who eventually finds their marriage breaking down? Recently we told the stories of gay men who had married women. It prompted a strong response from readers who had experienced it from the other side - those whose wives and husbands had come out as gay. To me it's not brave to spend 10 or 20 years with someone only to destroy and discard them," says Emma. She found out her husband was gay a year ago.
You just feel like your whole life is wasted and there's no closure.
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It is an experience to mardied Carol, 43, can relate. With her former husband now active in gay rights, she received a message calling him an inspiration and a role model. They had married in and have two children - she says she was "very sigms and in love". But there were s something wasn't right, including gay dating profiles on his computer, which he explained away. In he said he was bisexual but wanted to be with her.
Carol admits she was probably in denial but thought they would find a way through it as he was the man with whom she wanted to spend her life. A year later it came to a head when he came home, said he was gay, and left. I didn't know what to do so we lived a lie for two years.
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To anyone else we looked like a normal happy couple," she said. But it didn't work and they divorced.
Carol says the difficulty was the shock - he'd had time to get used to it but for her it happened so quickly. He's now married to a man and she says they get on maeried the sake of their children. How can I trust anyone again? I can't compete with other men, I'm a woman, but he should have been truthful from the start. He says he loved me but I don't believe him. He'd had no idea she was gay. She'd been feeling like this for sins years but said nothing," he says.
She wanted to remain Datlng, but he couldn't live a lie and they divorced. They haven't spoken since and she now has a female partner. Kevin's life fell apart and he became suicidal. I felt a failure as a man and a husband. It was bad, very, very, bad. Some may have been together for years after marrying at a time when society was less accepting of gay people.
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Former Welsh rugby player Gareth Thomas has talked about how he Datimg believe he would have reached the top in the sport if he had been openly gay. When he came out in he said he had been in denial about his true feelings and had genuinely been in love with his wife.
Both Carol and Kevin wigns a clear message for those who are in straight marriages but think they may be gay. Not knowing your own sexuality and taking time to decide hurts everyone involved. Be true to who you are," says Carol.
Kevin adds: "The sooner you come out the better for everyone concerned. It might be difficult, it might end a marriage, but the fact is you can't start to repair while they're in the closet but you're nailed to the outside and don't even know it. He says people in his position should contact the support group Straight Partners Anonymous. It's been difficult, my life has now taken a completely different path, but is better than I could have ever hoped," he says.
Some names have been changed. Straight Partners Anonymous can be contacted at support straightpartnersanonymous. Related Topics.