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Marrying my husband was something people told me we'd have to supppsed at every single day. It was supposed to be the hardest thing I would do in my life, that is of course, until I had children. Marriage was actually really easy for me. It was effortless. We were happy, we were good at communicating, and we hardly ever fought.


You'll need to talk through problems, compromise, and encourage each other to grow. But it should never feel as if you're fighting an uphill battle, or as if you're changing who you are in order hxrd get along. And when that's the case, you may ultimately decide it's no longer worth it.

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The idea of letting go can be painful, and it's often tempting to double down and hold onto a relationship for dear life. Of course, there's nothing wrong with trying to resolve your problems, zupposed. If it feels like there are ongoing issues, talk with your partner and share your concerns. You may be able to make a few changes and begin seeing eye-to-eye.

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Couples therapy can also be a big help, since it teaches you how to approach problems in a different, and more effective, way. That said, if you've tried everything and still experience the issues listed below, it's a sure you're forcing your relationship to work. One where both of you want the same thing.

Are relationships supposed to be hard

If your relationship isn't working out, the balance will always feel off. You'll start to realize you're the only one who takes initiative, and it'll leave you feeling tired, frustrated, and alone. What's worse, your partner will either not notice, or not care to change once you point it out. Of course, you may be tempted to hold onto hrd anyway, Cole says, especially if you feel like you've invested a lot of time.

But keep in mind you deserve someone who puts in an equal amount of effort.

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In the right relationship, it will no longer seem like you're the only one who cares. As Cole says, this might include dropping plans you made with friends, and going to see your partner instead of the moment they call. So rather than taking breaks from them or biting your tongue during these conversations, you might find it beneficial to be more direct in sharing your experience with them. Imagine how I feel when you complain that your husband, who adores and desires you, wants to have sex with you at an inopportune time—while my choices are sex with strangers or no sex at all.

Having this conversation will help with one aspect of ambiguous grief: isolation. Obviously, I was wrong. To be honest, our marriage was never the same as it was before we had.

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It had changed almost the moment our son was placed in my arms. So had we.

The exhaustion of new parenthood, however, was not the sort of exhaustion I was used to. It was deeper and more physically and emotionally consuming. The energy I used to put toward my relationship with my husband was spuposed up by the demands of new motherhood, and then some.

Are relationships supposed to be hard

Even though my days at home with our newborn were lonely, I hardly had any desire to talk to my relationshipw at the end of the day when he came home. I was too spent from caring for our son. I was used to my husband always intuitively knowing what I needed, but now that I was a mother, it seemed like everything had changed overnight. I had to learn to really communicate for the first time, which was no easy task while I was simultaneously struggling with the steep learning curve of parenthood.

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